When Listening, My Default Setting is Projecting

I think I have to make an effort to listen to the other person’s speech, and try to work with them, letting them take the lead in a brainstorming session.

Otherwise, I think mine (and most people’s) default setting is to project.

It’s easier to project because it’s a sort of self-validation. It’s akin to hearing what you want to hear and it’s gratifying.

But in the end the conversation feels empty and it feels like there’s a disconnect left between you and the other person.

Whereas if I make an effort to try to put myself in their shoes, I’ll realize I don’t have enough information to actually have informed thoughts about being in their shoes, which leads me to ask more questions.

This results in them feeling (and actually being) listened to, and me feeling fulfilled because I actually connected with them.

I would’ve wanted to connect with them when I was projecting as well, but that’s a very ill informed attempt at listening. It’s what I used to think listening was.